To tell you the truth, it’s not easy. It gets messy. It’s confusing. Not to mention the looming loneliness during the holidays or dinner parties.
It’s difficult hanging out with friends when there’s a hole in your chest.
We’ve all experienced heart break. Not just in romance, but in career and health.
Does it get better? You absolutely bet it does.
Although I’m not in that place anymore, I sure remember what it was like. Here’s a few words of advice from a fellow heartbroken woman.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
We must acknowledge the pain that comes from losing not just a partner, but a friend. Oftentimes it is impossible to maintain a friendship once the boundaries cross.
There were good times, yes. You may find yourself reminiscing on a moment a week ago or a year ago. A time when things were joyous. A time where you were both comfortable to be yourselves.
There were also bad times too. The disagreements, cold-shoulders, the secrets, the miscommunication, the hurtful words.
Perhaps your relationship came to a bitter end. Or it was a clean break. Regardless, it is important to acknowledge what comes up when our memories remind us of what we had.
You might feel resentful, yearning, lonely or even happy it’s over! We all heal different and that’s OK.
Stop Letting Them In
Before I learned what boundaries were (hello young Angela!), I kept letting my ex back in my life. I believed things would be different. Since I was healing myself and starting to feel better, I thought I could handle a “friendship”. I was wrong. Letting that person in meant going through the same cycle of heartbreak.
Do not let them in!
It’s time to work on yourself. To heal the pain. To find the joy in being independent.
Especially if your relationship was one of unbalanced power, you need to let that shit go. It’s not healthy.
And when you and your friends have a night on the town, do not drunk-text or drunk-call. Remember to keep your integrity intact. I forgot this often back in the day. Don’t make the same mistake! Warn your friends beforehand and listen when they tell you it’s a bad idea.
I know, it feels impossible to move forward. I know that you long for them late at night or early in the morning before you go to work.
Know that it is possible to move on. You don’t see it yet, but it’s the truth.
Muster up your strength, pick up the pieces and don’t turn around as you walk away.
Logic to the Rescue
I’m sure the last thing you want to do is get out of your emotional rut. It’s normal to feel sad about the end of something you once thought would last.
But if you want to even begin to let go, look at the situation with logic.
You met someone you got along with. Through everything that occurred, it was the best decision to part ways.
It’s not the end of the world, just the end of a chapter.
Instead of focusing too much on the past, begin to think about the future.
What goals do you want to achieve? Is there a city or country you want to travel to? Can you spend time with family or friends instead of withdrawing?
As a self-expression professional, I recommend to feel the emotions that come up. At the same time, it is important not to stay in your emotions too long.
Balance is the key to moving forward. In time, you will see the benefit in doing so.
Don’t Spend Too Much Money
If you’re anything like me, I have a tendency to spend money when I’m sad. Especially if a relationship breaks down. In saying that, I have grown up a lot from my 16 year old self. The rule still applies!
When we’re low in mood and feeling heartbroken, it can be easy to fall into not-so-good habits.
Getting ourselves into debt is one of them. Don’t go out on the weekends and blow your savings. Don’t buy that $1500 outfit or bag if you can’t afford it.
It’s important to be aware of your habits now than any other time!
Again, balance is the key here. With your new-found freedom, experience new things. Or, experience the old things in a different way. Refrain from overspending or getting yourself in debt!
Don’t stalk their Instagram or Facebook. Or do. But make sure you are focusing on yourself more than you are focusing on your ex.
If you want to let go, start taking inventory of things you want to experience or change. For example, going to a festival that your ex said ‘no’ to or learning how to self-sooth when you’re anxious. Two extremes, I know. But you get what I mean!
First, you’ll be occupying your mind. Second, you’ll become a better person after the process. Of course it is a life-long journey, but think of this time as an intensive course.
Have you been wanting to go to the gym? Do some research and sign up! Have you wanted to start a business? Fine-tune your idea and begin! Have you been meaning to see a friend your ex hated? Catch up with them and have a ball!
You’ll never be younger than you are now.
I know things seem bleak and sometimes the emotions will overwhelm you. But know this: change starts with you. You deserve to become a better person through all this pain!
Remember that Healing isn’t Linear
We may think that time heals all wounds. That isn’t always the case. Emotions come and go. You could be feeling on top of the world. And then a song comes on and the waterworks begin.
Healing isn’t a hill that stops when you reach the top. It can get messy.
It’s like wading through murky water, not knowing if you’ll survive.
But you do. And you will.
The world won’t stop, but that is the beauty of heartbreak. You will continue on. You will move forward. One step at a time. Until the day you are ready to begin again. Until the day you love again.